tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-80736386901570045962024-03-08T16:57:34.541-08:00My Life in WordsWords are the atoms of my being. They make me who I am, express what I feel, and give me a voice when I cannot speak. I live and breathe in the pauses between the start and the stop.
Please note "The Anneslee Poems" appear as part of an as yet unpublished project. They are from the perspective of my fictional character, Anneslee Cooper-Clarke.
All poems copyrighted © 2025 by Tara Goodyear.Tara Goodyearhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05235300614438003465noreply@blogger.comBlogger259125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8073638690157004596.post-22448495760440637332023-01-04T11:59:00.003-08:002023-01-04T11:59:48.390-08:00All that Remains<div style="text-align: left;"> If you pulled back the black velvet</div><div style="text-align: left;">draped heavily over my heart,</div><div style="text-align: left;">you'd find nothing but emptiness</div><div style="text-align: left;">surrounded by bone. </div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;">If you dove into the darkest depths</div><div style="text-align: left;">of my mind's sea of memories,</div><div style="text-align: left;">there wouldn't be anything to see - </div><div style="text-align: left;">just you all alone.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;">If you look close enough,</div><div style="text-align: left;">there's nothing here - </div><div style="text-align: left;">just the shadow of what was</div><div style="text-align: left;">before life got in the way.</div>Tara Goodyearhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05235300614438003465noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8073638690157004596.post-24335932104334118952023-01-04T11:44:00.003-08:002023-01-04T12:00:35.714-08:00When There's No You<div style="text-align: left;">I believed, hoped even, </div><div style="text-align: left;">that soon you'd get better, </div><div style="text-align: left;">leave the sterile walls</div><div style="text-align: left;">of hospital rooms</div><div style="text-align: left;">behind. </div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;">You did, </div><div style="text-align: left;">but you left me, too.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;">It was morning</div><div style="text-align: left;">on a Monday</div><div style="text-align: left;">when the prepositions</div><div style="text-align: left;">I used in front of "you"</div><div style="text-align: left;">changed</div><div style="text-align: left;">from "with" to "without".</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;">Who knew adding 3 letters</div><div style="text-align: left;">would ruin so much?</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;">Who am I now</div><div style="text-align: left;">without you?</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;">I still don't know</div><div style="text-align: left;">fourteen years later.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div>Tara Goodyearhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05235300614438003465noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8073638690157004596.post-36546650786750091762022-09-09T20:11:00.012-07:002022-09-09T20:11:57.666-07:00Our Last Drive<div style="text-align: left;"> <br />The hot evening wind whips your hair about<br />as your hide-the-eyes sunglasses block out the dust and sun.<br />
You look like a Hollywood icon, or maybe some Bond girl on
the run.<br /> <br /></div><div style="text-align: left;">The top’s down on the midnight blue Miata you picked and
paid for yourself<br />just in time for the Cancer to make you a passenger in yet
another aspect of your life.<br /> <br /></div><div style="text-align: left;">It’s been a long winter<br />with chemo, radiation, and heart palpitations that were
really myocardial infarctions and a sign we didn’t have much time left.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /> We didn’t know it but that last drive was it – the last of a
life with still too many days left unlived.<br /> We swoosh around the curves like we’re riding waves<br />though we were always both too afraid to go out past the
breakers.<br /> The sand closer to shore always felt safer, even with
jellyfish stings and crab claw toe pinches.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /> A dusty rose falls all around us as day gives way to night.<br /> The mid-March humidity dissipates with the sunset and we hit
a straightaway of smooth sailing.<br /> No cars are ahead in the distance or in the rear view –<br /> just our two high beams breaking up the fading light.<br /> <br /></div><div style="text-align: left;">This road, this asphalt sea, is ours as the night rolls in
behind us.<br /> We miss our turn twice but keep on driving.<br /> People are at the house waiting, but you’re not ready to
turn around.<br /> After all, the streetlights haven’t come on yet.<br /> <br /></div><div style="text-align: left;">The darkness is a high tide rolling in above us as we sink
beneath the surface in silence.<br /> We know the road is going to end sooner than we expected or
hoped.<br />We had no idea the next day this moment and you would be
another memory in my mind to hold onto rather than<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>your tan, freckled hand with knobby knuckles
and slender fingers I’d know anywhere.<br /> <br /></div><div style="text-align: left;">We lose time as we drive along the back roads of our lives.</div><div style="text-align: left;">We don’t dare interrupt this moment where what will be and
what has been don’t exist – just what is.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"> I steal a peek at you, huddled next to me, arms wrapped tight,
holding yourself in one piece against the cooling air. I switch on the heat,
redirect the blast to our feet so it isn’t lost in the night, and watch
happiness spread across your lips, cheeks, your body as if you were standing in
the bright warmth of a high noon, deep south July sun.<br /><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"> This snapshot of you lives in perfect polaroid detail in my
memory palace among the many shrines I’ve built to you.<br /><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"> Eventually, we make our way back home, and though we didn’t
know you were leaving the next day, we both knew the second we locked
blue-eye-to-blue-grey-eye there would be no more top-down drives in our future.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
Sometimes I can still feel the hum in my bones of the tires
meeting the road, riding into darkness like we did so many years ago – you
sitting by my side, forever glamorous in sunburst yellow and leopard print.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /> I’ll never know what it’s like to live so loudly without
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<p class="MsoNormal"><o:p></o:p></p>Tara Goodyearhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05235300614438003465noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8073638690157004596.post-7460249650960465932022-03-15T12:40:00.001-07:002022-03-15T12:55:49.665-07:00We Live Twice<div style="text-align: left;"> Egyptians believed we died twice.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />First, our bodies withered into dust</div><div style="text-align: left;">and nourished the spaces around us. <br /><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;">Then, our spirits slipped away<br />when others stopped saying our names.<br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;">I believe we live twice. </div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;">Once until our hearts stop.</div><div style="text-align: left;">And once until our memories are lost - </div><div style="text-align: left;">not just our names, not just our legacies,</div><div style="text-align: left;">but the rooms of our loved ones' memory palaces</div><div style="text-align: left;">we reside in until oblivion.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;">When we are no longer remembered,</div><div style="text-align: left;">we are no more.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;">It may seem the same - </div><div style="text-align: left;">living and dying with the grave</div><div style="text-align: left;">and your name.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;">But it isn't - </div><div style="text-align: left;">it'll never be about how you die.</div><div style="text-align: left;">It's about your life,</div><div style="text-align: left;">and how you lived it.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;">May your second life</div><div style="text-align: left;">be immortal.</div><p style="text-align: left;"><br /></p>Tara Goodyearhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05235300614438003465noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8073638690157004596.post-31244860969059578102022-02-06T09:44:00.001-08:002022-02-06T09:44:08.298-08:00Burning Out<div style="text-align: left;">No one sees how dark it is</div><div style="text-align: left;">because I turn on every light</div><div style="text-align: left;">when they come around</div><div style="text-align: left;">like this is how I live</div><div style="text-align: left;">the minutes in my life. </div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;">It's easier to put on a show</div><div style="text-align: left;">than lie to make them feel</div><div style="text-align: left;">better</div><div style="text-align: left;">safe</div><div style="text-align: left;">or like we're all okay.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;">I'd rather pretend,</div><div style="text-align: left;">make it seem okay</div><div style="text-align: left;">than say the words out loud.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;">The lies are always easiest</div><div style="text-align: left;">to believe, to hear</div><div style="text-align: left;">but never to tell.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;">The truth is</div><div style="text-align: left;">the lights are burning out</div><div style="text-align: left;">one-by-one,</div><div style="text-align: left;">and soon</div><div style="text-align: left;">you'll see</div><div style="text-align: left;">what it's like for me.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div>Tara Goodyearhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05235300614438003465noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8073638690157004596.post-68970928066837560742022-02-06T09:36:00.002-08:002022-02-06T09:36:10.656-08:00Was It Real?<div style="text-align: left;">Do you carry me with you</div><div style="text-align: left;">in your memory palace,</div><div style="text-align: left;">or am I lost in the sea of thoughts</div><div style="text-align: left;">you refuse to think again?</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;">I believed I mattered to you,</div><div style="text-align: left;">that 23 years meant something</div><div style="text-align: left;">and you couldn't do to me</div><div style="text-align: left;">what you did to everyone else.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;">But it's been almost 4 years</div><div style="text-align: left;">since I've heard your laugh,</div><div style="text-align: left;">your excitement about new projects,</div><div style="text-align: left;">your worries about problems</div><div style="text-align: left;">you helped create.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;">Did I imagine it?</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;">The heartache reminds me</div><div style="text-align: left;">it was real</div><div style="text-align: left;">even if you try to pretend</div><div style="text-align: left;">it wasn't.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;">I was there.</div><div style="text-align: left;">I remember.</div><div style="text-align: left;">Do you?</div>Tara Goodyearhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05235300614438003465noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8073638690157004596.post-5136801047511890902022-02-06T09:28:00.002-08:002022-02-06T09:28:27.807-08:00In Another Time<div style="text-align: left;">I had a dream</div><div style="text-align: left;">we were together,</div><div style="text-align: left;">laughing and smiling</div><div style="text-align: left;">in ways we never did.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;">Maybe that's us</div><div style="text-align: left;">in another world,</div><div style="text-align: left;">a parallel universe</div><div style="text-align: left;">where being together</div><div style="text-align: left;">created positivity</div><div style="text-align: left;">instead of the toxicity</div><div style="text-align: left;">we lived.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;">I hope so.</div><div style="text-align: left;">It gives me peace</div><div style="text-align: left;">to believe</div><div style="text-align: left;">somewhere,</div><div style="text-align: left;">in some other time</div><div style="text-align: left;">and place, </div><div style="text-align: left;">I'm happy</div><div style="text-align: left;">and loved.</div>Tara Goodyearhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05235300614438003465noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8073638690157004596.post-67430683611465286442022-02-06T09:23:00.001-08:002022-02-06T09:23:52.683-08:00MomentsI counted the days<div>you were here</div><div>and it was only 3 months more</div><div>than her - </div><div><br /></div><div>29 years just the same</div><div>and never enough either way. </div><div><br /></div><div>I don't know</div><div>why you had to leave</div><div>or where you went</div><div>but I hope</div><div>I'll see you again.</div><div>If not in this life,</div><div>in the next.</div><div><br /></div><div>Two of my favorite souls</div><div>slipped through my fingers</div><div>like the wind,</div><div>wispy sighs no one</div><div>can touch</div><div>or hold.</div><div><br /></div><div>I imagine</div><div>every whisk and whirl</div><div>is your arms</div><div>wrapping around</div><div>my shoulders</div><div>like all the hugs</div><div>I'll never have again. </div><div><br /></div><div>And for a moment,</div><div>a breath,</div><div>there is nothing but love.</div>Tara Goodyearhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05235300614438003465noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8073638690157004596.post-31201044830254288072021-10-10T11:54:00.001-07:002021-10-10T11:54:32.050-07:00Thirty-Two Minutes<div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 12pt;">Our footsteps crunch on the sand-covered cement<br /></span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 12pt;">as you shove your calloused fingers deep into the folds of your
pants,<br /></span><span style="color: black; font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">hiding in safety from the chance of touching my side.<br /> </span><span style="color: black; font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">We walk straight to where the road bends to the right. </span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="color: black; font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 12pt;">The embers burn orange at the end of your cigarette as you take
another drag in silence<br /></span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 12pt;">Only your teeth brim the velvet darkness from a moonlit sky.</span><br /><span style="color: black; font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">We feel him for a moment before he scampers off to the left. </span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="color: black; font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">An unseen creature runs in front of our footsteps.</span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 12pt;"><br /></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 12pt;">My eyes wander up to the diamond sky as it winks and twinkles at
us with mischief</span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 12pt;">like there's something else going on but we missed it. </span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 12pt;"> </span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 12pt;">The crisp air clears my sinuses like a mint and I feel the sticky
salt air cling to my skin.</span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 12pt;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 12pt;">I focus on the words suddenly falling out of your mouth, <br /></span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 12pt;">letting the syllables take shape in my brain. </span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 12pt;">Before I know it, my watch tells me thirty-two minutes have gone
by</span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 12pt;">since you told me I was the one you'd looked for all your life.</span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 12pt;">I ask myself, "why thirty-two minutes ago was so different</span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 12pt;">from all the thirty-two minutes of the five years you've let go?"</span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 12pt;"><br /></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 12pt;">I keep waiting for the cocoons to hatch in my stomach again, </span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 12pt;">for the familiar butterflies to emerge and begin their flight</span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 12pt;">like they have ever since the moment we met.</span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 12pt;"><br /></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 12pt;">But nothing happens. </span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 12pt;"><br /></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 12pt;">I listen to see if the world has stopped spinning – if time has
stilled –</span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 12pt;">and wait as you speak of "when" and "until" as
if I haven't said those words</span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 12pt;">so many times before, losing battles to you but still keep fighting
the war</span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 12pt;">so you’ll stay in my life as something, anything, hoping this
winter will lead to a spring.</span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 12pt;"><br /></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 12pt;">And now you're waving the white flag at me telling me that you
finally see I am the one?</span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 12pt;"><br /></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 12pt;">Again you say I am the woman of your dreams like I’m not reacting
the way you imagined.</span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 12pt;">I hear you. I'm listening, but something is wrong,</span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 12pt;">and I see that the moment is gone like all the years before it
went – silent.</span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 12pt;"><br /></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 12pt;">I know you better than you’ve ever known me and though you’re
saying the words</span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 12pt;">I’ve wanted to hear for hours, days, months, years,</span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 12pt;">they’re just letters strung together with no evidence to prove you
feel what you say you do.</span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 12pt;"> </span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 12pt;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;"><span style="color: black; font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">Maybe it’s not what you expected but finally, I get it –<br /></span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 12pt;">Underneath this ebony sky another day is going by like every other
day we’ve lived –</span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 12pt;">both together and apart –</span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 12pt;">and I see that thirty-two minutes have passed since the dream of
us became a part of our past.</span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 12pt;"><br /></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 12pt;">Your loneliness led you here, not your heart,</span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 12pt;">and if I was really the girl you’ve dreamed of your whole life,</span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 12pt;">you would’ve known at seventeen, eighteen, nineteen, or even
twenty</span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 12pt;">like you do now at twenty-one.</span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 12pt;"><br /></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 12pt;">I’m not your fantasy.</span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 12pt;">I never have been –</span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 12pt;">I’m just the one person still standing in the wreckage you’ve made
of your life</span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 12pt;">and what you said thirty-two minutes ago doesn’t disguise the
reality we live in.</span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 12pt;"><br /></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 12pt;">We’ll be friends until we know better.</span></div>Tara Goodyearhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05235300614438003465noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8073638690157004596.post-34108245178937792312021-10-03T11:06:00.003-07:002021-10-10T11:55:51.897-07:00Life in Color<div><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 13.5pt;">I saw my forever in your
hazel eyes –</span></div><div><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 13.5pt;">something I never
thought I’d want:</span></div><div><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 13.5pt;">picket fences, kids on
hips,</span></div><div><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 13.5pt;">Dutch oven dinners with
friends,</span></div><div><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 13.5pt;">listening every night to
you tune your guitar,</span></div><div><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 13.5pt;">easy living in the
suburbs near your parents.</span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 13.5pt;"> </span></div><div><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 13.5pt;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 13.5pt;">Life in muted color.</span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 13.5pt;"> </span></div><div><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 13.5pt;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 13.5pt;">I stood by you and
waited</span></div><div><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 13.5pt;">for the moment you’d see
your forever in me.</span></div><div><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 13.5pt;">I never became your
lover</span></div><div><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 13.5pt;">and we were never really
friends.</span></div><div><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 13.5pt;">I was just a fan you
used to feel better</span></div><div><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 13.5pt;">about the life you never
made happen.</span></div><div><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 13.5pt;">You burnt me to the
ground as a proxy</span></div><div><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 13.5pt;">for your hate every time
you weren’t the man</span></div><div><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 13.5pt;">you should’ve been, but
the only person</span></div><div><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 13.5pt;">standing in your way was always you.</span></div><div><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 13.5pt;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 13.5pt;">My forever faded in the
rear view</span></div><div><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 13.5pt;">as life came into focus</span></div><div><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 13.5pt;">with all its ugliness
and vibrant pain.</span></div><div><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 13.5pt;">We collided into others
but never each other –</span></div><div><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 13.5pt;">I thought our moment was
over</span></div><div><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 13.5pt;">but you knew it had
never begun.</span></div><div><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 13.5pt;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 13.5pt;">Time has washed you away,</span></div><div><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 13.5pt;">but the memory of what
was</span></div><div><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 13.5pt;">and what could’ve been lingers
still.</span></div><div><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 13.5pt;">The colors shine brightly
now –</span></div><div><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 13.5pt;">maybe they always did</span></div><div><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 13.5pt;">and I just couldn’t see
life beyond you.</span></div><div><br /></div>Tara Goodyearhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05235300614438003465noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8073638690157004596.post-48545733371882633122018-04-21T23:04:00.001-07:002018-04-21T23:04:11.382-07:00OrdinaryYou have a gift<div>
but it's not what you think.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
It isn't the talent</div>
<div>
in your hands</div>
<div>
or your mind</div>
<div>
that makes you unique. </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
It is your ego,</div>
<div>
your bravado</div>
<div>
and all the ways</div>
<div>
you shut out the voices</div>
<div>
who try </div>
<div>
to make you better. </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
If only you would listen,</div>
<div>
your myopic vision</div>
<div>
could expand</div>
<div>
beyond the horizon</div>
<div>
of desperation</div>
<div>
you have set.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
But perfection</div>
<div>
can't be improved.</div>
<div>
You aren't a first draft,</div>
<div>
you're the printed copy.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
Don't we all see</div>
<div>
it's us, </div>
<div>
not you, right?</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
How many more </div>
<div>
will you go through</div>
<div>
before you see</div>
<div>
you are the only variable</div>
<div>
connecting everyone?</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
I smile as you move on</div>
<div>
to another</div>
<div>
and then another</div>
<div>
because the truth is</div>
<div>
even your insecurity</div>
<div>
isn't original.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
<br /></div>
Tara Goodyearhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05235300614438003465noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8073638690157004596.post-31546829644395129542018-01-09T21:13:00.000-08:002018-04-21T23:21:08.158-07:00Hypocrite<div style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: 12pt;">You slam everyone </span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: 12pt;">who</span><span style="font-size: 12pt;"> stands by </span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: 12pt;">and</span><span style="font-size: 12pt;"> acts as an observer </span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: 12pt;">to</span><span style="font-size: 12pt;"> the wreck you've</span><span style="font-size: 12pt;"> made </span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: 12pt;">of your life,</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: 12pt;">like rubberneckers </span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: 12pt;">on</span><span style="font-size: 12pt;"> a highway </span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: 12pt;">passing a four-car pile-up </span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: 12pt;">as if you have always </span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: 12pt;">taken part </span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: 12pt;">in the lives </span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: 12pt;">around you. </span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: 12pt;"><br /></span><span style="font-size: 12pt;">Where were you </span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: 12pt;">when</span><span style="font-size: 12pt;"> it all fell apart </span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: 12pt;">for</span><span style="font-size: 12pt;"> me </span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: 12pt;">and I begged you </span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: 12pt;">to</span><span style="font-size: 12pt;"> just spend </span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: 12pt;">a minute in</span><span style="font-size: 12pt;"> it with me?</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: 12pt;"><br /></span><span style="font-size: 12pt;">You were sitting </span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: 12pt;">judge</span><span style="font-size: 12pt;"> and jury </span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: 12pt;">like</span><span style="font-size: 12pt;"> you understood </span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: 12pt;">my</span><span style="font-size: 12pt;"> pain and fury — </span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: 12pt;">something you still don’t get — </span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: 12pt;">not yet. </span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: 12pt;"><br /></span><span style="font-size: 12pt;">I hope you never do. </span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: 12pt;"><br /></span><span style="font-size: 12pt;">You watched </span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: 12pt;">my world </span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: 12pt;">collapse </span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: 12pt;">and</span><span style="font-size: 12pt;"> then wondered </span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: 12pt;">why</span><span style="font-size: 12pt;"> I was mad </span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: 12pt;">you</span><span style="font-size: 12pt;"> never came around. </span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: 12pt;"><br /></span><span style="font-size: 12pt;">I always had to come to</span><span style="font-size: 12pt;"> you, </span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: 12pt;">no matter what </span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: 12pt;">I</span><span style="font-size: 12pt;"> was going through — </span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: 12pt;">drive across town, </span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: 12pt;">fly across country, </span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: 12pt;">make it happen </span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: 12pt;">even</span><span style="font-size: 12pt;"> when I didn’t want to. </span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: 12pt;"><br /></span><span style="font-size: 12pt;">It’s always about you — </span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: 12pt;">who did you wrong, </span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: 12pt;">who did you right, </span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: 12pt;">who you wish would do you again, </span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: 12pt;">your dreams you chase, </span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: 12pt;">the goals you make, </span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: 12pt;">the life you are or aren’t living. </span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: 12pt;"><br /></span><span style="font-size: 12pt;">I have stood by, </span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: 12pt;">silent all these years, </span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: 12pt;">supporting and forging</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: 12pt;">my way forward,</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: 12pt;">waiting for you to get it, </span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: 12pt;">to see I am here </span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: 12pt;">as</span><span style="font-size: 12pt;"> your friend and equal,</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12pt;">not your cheerleader or</span><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12pt;"> servant. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: 12pt;"><br /></span><span style="font-size: 12pt;">But you don’t get it. </span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: 12pt;">Maybe you never will. </span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: 12pt;"><br /></span><span style="font-size: 12pt;">So, you’re right — </span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: 12pt;">fuck the spectators. </span></span><br />
<div style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; min-height: 13.8px;">
</div>
<div style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; min-height: 13.8px;">
</div>
<div style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; min-height: 13.8px;">
</div>
<div style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; min-height: 13.8px;">
</div>
<div style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; min-height: 13.8px;">
</div>
<div style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; min-height: 13.8px;">
</div>
<div style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; min-height: 13.8px;">
</div>
<div style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; min-height: 13.8px;">
</div>
<div style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; min-height: 13.8px;">
</div>
<div style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; min-height: 13.8px;">
</div>
</div>
<div style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; min-height: 13.8px;">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12pt;"></span></div>
<div style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; min-height: 13.8px;">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12pt;"></span></div>
<div style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; min-height: 13.8px;">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12pt;"></span></div>
<div style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; min-height: 13.8px;">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12pt;"></span></div>
<div style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; min-height: 13.8px;">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12pt;"></span></div>
<div style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; min-height: 13.8px;">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12pt;"></span></div>
<div style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; min-height: 13.8px;">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12pt;"></span></div>
<div style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; min-height: 13.8px;">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12pt;"></span></div>
<div style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; min-height: 13.8px;">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12pt;"></span></div>
<div style="font-family: helvetica; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; min-height: 13.8px;">
<span style="font-size: 12pt;"></span></div>
Tara Goodyearhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05235300614438003465noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8073638690157004596.post-72450460473577166452017-12-19T15:16:00.002-08:002017-12-19T15:16:29.006-08:00SupernovaYour words fall out<br />
of your mouth like black tar;<br />
they are cyanide, an instant death,<br />
to my fragile heart.<br />
<br />
You throw hatred at me<br />
like Molotov cocktails,<br />
setting fire to my love<br />
as every breath fails.<br />
<br />
You burn me to the ground<br />
with all of your lies and secrets;<br />
and you smile as I disappear,<br />
like you have no regrets.<br />
<br />
The wind picks up my ashes<br />
and whisks me away,<br />
holds me tight in the night sky<br />
and keeps me safe.<br />
<br />
The stars collect my pieces,<br />
the dust you made of me,<br />
and they put me back together,<br />
held in place by gravity.<br />
They breathe light into my soul,<br />
illuminating me;<br />
you didn't win and I am finally<br />
who I was meant to be.<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />Tara Goodyearhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05235300614438003465noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8073638690157004596.post-86721247598774228522017-12-19T11:58:00.001-08:002017-12-19T11:58:23.676-08:00InvisibleI speak<br />
on a frequency<br />
you can't hear<br />
so I speak<br />
louder<br />
until my voice<br />
disappears.<br />
<br />
I raise my hand<br />
but you never call<br />
on me<br />
like I'm imaginary,<br />
a blind spot<br />
no one can see.<br />
<br />
I'm not here.<br />
I don't exist.<br />
I'm just a memory<br />
though I'm standing<br />
right here.<br />
<br />
Someday<br />
you won't even remember<br />
my name.<br />
Today<br />
you don't remember<br />
me.Tara Goodyearhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05235300614438003465noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8073638690157004596.post-55779509695731021462017-12-19T11:20:00.002-08:002017-12-19T11:20:09.830-08:00CriminalI sit stunned,<div>
like your words</div>
<div>
are a taser gun</div>
<div>
on full blast,</div>
<div>
hitting my skin,</div>
<div>
my lips,</div>
<div>
my brain</div>
<div>
in one angry jolt.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
I play them again</div>
<div>
and the epiphany</div>
<div>
blooms like a violet.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
I cannot move,</div>
<div>
think,</div>
<div>
or speak</div>
<div>
as I listen</div>
<div>
to you rewrite</div>
<div>
history</div>
<div>
I witnessed.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
I was there. </div>
<div>
I know what happened. </div>
<div>
Don't I?</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
But now</div>
<div>
you reveal</div>
<div>
the last piece, </div>
<div>
like a puzzle thief</div>
<div>
holding out</div>
<div>
until the end -</div>
<div>
keeping the victory</div>
<div>
in your back pocket</div>
<div>
so no one else</div>
<div>
could have the glory.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
<div>
I saw only two sides</div>
<div>
of the story</div>
<div>
I lived</div>
<div>
but I didn't see</div>
<div>
you,</div>
<div>
the masked man</div>
<div>
hiding the truth</div>
<div>
behind the door.</div>
<div>
</div>
<div>
Your side</div>
<div>
stayed in the shade</div>
<div>
like a shadow</div>
<div>
lurking,</div>
<div>
waiting </div>
<div>
for the sun </div>
<div>
to fade</div>
<div>
and hoping the moon</div>
<div>
didn't out you.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
But I see you. </div>
</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
Now my eyes</div>
<div>
are open</div>
<div>
and clear</div>
<div>
with the Visine</div>
<div>
of the truth</div>
<div>
you speak.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
You're in HD,</div>
<div>
4K Ultra,</div>
<div>
bright as daylight. </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
You're a criminal</div>
<div>
playing dress up</div>
<div>
as a gentleman</div>
<div>
who never had</div>
<div>
anyone's interests</div>
<div>
at heart but his own.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
I should've known.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
Tara Goodyearhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05235300614438003465noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8073638690157004596.post-31922832521452891052017-11-26T00:56:00.000-08:002017-11-26T00:56:05.151-08:00Freedom CryIf your words<br />
were fists,<br />
I’d be black<br />
and blue.<br />
<br />
I wouldn’t<br />
really exist;<br />
I’d be nothing<br />
but walking<br />
scar tissue.<br />
<br />
But then maybe<br />
you’d see<br />
all the damage<br />
you’ve done to me,<br />
and the world<br />
would finally<br />
see it too.<br />
<br />
Until then,<br />
I could pretend<br />
they are<br />
a string of syllables<br />
falling out your mouth,<br />
nothing sensible<br />
anyone can make out;<br />
nothing that can hurt<br />
or denounce<br />
or discriminate<br />
or sound<br />
like hate -<br />
<br />
just utterances<br />
of love,<br />
of what was,<br />
of being enough,<br />
and all the other stuff<br />
you are too tough<br />
to say.<br />
<br />
Now it’s too late.<br />
<br />
No one knows<br />
what you did.<br />
Only my memory<br />
of it exists.<br />
Only I am the one<br />
who has to live<br />
with it,<br />
and the shadows<br />
and the scars<br />
you left.<br />
<br />
But I am<br />
still here,<br />
and there is<br />
only one thing<br />
I know for sure:<br />
<br />
you can’t hurt me<br />
anymore.<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />Tara Goodyearhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05235300614438003465noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8073638690157004596.post-64022507828121990842017-11-26T00:16:00.000-08:002017-11-26T00:16:07.648-08:00Knowledge Is PowerI remember the phone call<div>
from twenty years ago;</div>
<div>
not the text</div>
<div>
as much as the tone. </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
I still don't know</div>
<div>
why your rage</div>
<div>
overflowed</div>
<div>
onto me like hot lava.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
We were <u><b>just</b></u> friends.</div>
<div>
You'd said it over</div>
<div>
and over</div>
<div>
and over again. </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
Then, </div>
<div>
in one random conversation,</div>
<div>
we were nothing. </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
What had I done? </div>
<div>
I still don't know. </div>
<div>
I have suspicions,</div>
<div>
but what's done is done.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
Time spun </div>
<div>
us out</div>
<div>
in different directions,</div>
<div>
like two tops</div>
<div>
once together,</div>
<div>
now apart.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
But the years</div>
<div>
brought you back</div>
<div>
around</div>
<div>
like clockwork,</div>
<div>
and I opened the door,</div>
<div>
hoping to get answers.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
I never got them,</div>
<div>
but we became friends.</div>
<div>
Again. </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
It was tentative.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
Growing up</div>
<div>
had made us both</div>
<div>
sensitive</div>
<div>
to words</div>
<div>
and sentence currents,</div>
<div>
the undertones</div>
<div>
and underbellies</div>
<div>
of emotions.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
Words became</div>
<div>
syllables</div>
<div>
instead of meaningful</div>
<div>
conversation,</div>
<div>
and what was</div>
<div>
never became</div>
<div>
the love</div>
<div>
we were both</div>
<div>
looking for. </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
Promises got lost</div>
<div>
in the shuffle of life</div>
<div>
and one wounded heart</div>
<div>
urged a wandering eye,</div>
<div>
while the other wounded heart</div>
<div>
let it all die. </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
I'd rather be alone</div>
<div>
than afraid of loneliness.</div>
<div>
I'd rather not know</div>
<div>
than feel like I'm less</div>
<div>
than who you expected.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
You moved on.</div>
<div>
Again.</div>
<div>
I haven't. </div>
<div>
I'm still the same,</div>
<div>
still without answers. </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
So many words</div>
<div>
have passed</div>
<div>
between our lips.</div>
<div>
So many questions</div>
<div>
still exist.</div>
<div>
What could've been</div>
<div>
never was,</div>
<div>
but I don't think</div>
<div>
it would've been </div>
<div>
enough.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
Our memories</div>
<div>
still make me smile,</div>
<div>
especially the quote wars</div>
<div>
and how we laughed</div>
<div>
until we cried,</div>
<div>
but you went your way</div>
<div>
and I have gone mine,</div>
<div>
and you're the only one</div>
<div>
who knows why.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
Maybe someday</div>
<div>
I'll know too.</div>
<div>
</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
<br /></div>
Tara Goodyearhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05235300614438003465noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8073638690157004596.post-51020527834147320342017-11-25T23:51:00.001-08:002017-11-25T23:51:10.864-08:00Talk TherapyI saw a man<div>
about the darkness</div>
<div>
in my heart. </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
I felt it</div>
<div>
seeping into me</div>
<div>
like black tar.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
It comes around</div>
<div>
when things go south,</div>
<div>
and I stop</div>
<div>
wanting to play my part.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
I didn't want to talk.</div>
<div>
I didn't want help. </div>
<div>
I wanted to disappear.</div>
<div>
I wanted to fly,</div>
<div>
but I didn't have wings - </div>
<div>
not that I cared if I fell.</div>
<div>
I had no fear,</div>
<div>
which scared me</div>
<div>
the most</div>
<div>
and led me</div>
<div>
to the chair</div>
<div>
in front of him. </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
We all fall. </div>
<div>
Eventually.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
But all the tears</div>
<div>
I cried</div>
<div>
told me</div>
<div>
this was different.</div>
<div>
I wasn't ready for it.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
He said, "It's good to want things".</div>
<div>
He listened. </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
He saw the pain, </div>
<div>
but he didn't try</div>
<div>
to take it away. </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
He said, "It's okay to feel how you feel."</div>
<div>
He believed me</div>
<div>
without lengthy explanations.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
He made connections</div>
<div>
I didn't have to map out.</div>
<div>
He understood</div>
<div>
what this was all about. </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
Then, the magic happened. </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
He said,"Grief comes from love."</div>
<div>
And like a blink of an eye,</div>
<div>
the darkness lost the war.</div>
Tara Goodyearhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05235300614438003465noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8073638690157004596.post-40392670462721081562017-11-25T23:34:00.000-08:002017-11-25T23:34:06.764-08:00A Personality DisorderedSeven days<br />
on Depakote<br />
and I didn't know<br />
myself<br />
or anyone else<br />
anymore.<br />
<br />
I was a stranger<br />
in the mirror,<br />
a phantom<br />
in my skin,<br />
a lost cause<br />
no one wanted<br />
to find.<br />
<br />
Benzos and Lamictal<br />
make me predictable,<br />
but charged up<br />
like a battery<br />
looking for a fight,<br />
or like lightning<br />
waiting to strike -<br />
but I never do.<br />
<br />
I just keep waiting.<br />
<br />
Three pills at night<br />
help me sleep,<br />
but sometimes<br />
I dream<br />
bad things<br />
are coming for me.<br />
<br />
Maybe those aren't dreams.<br />
They could be memories.<br />
<br />
Anyone who'd know<br />
is dead and gone,<br />
so I keep hoping<br />
they're not real,<br />
I'm not real.<br />
<br />
High-strung,<br />
too sensitive,<br />
moody,<br />
impulsive,<br />
depressed,<br />
aggressive -<br />
negative words<br />
attached to me,<br />
etched into my brain<br />
like a tattoo.<br />
<br />
You assign a label,<br />
then two,<br />
and soon<br />
I need a different kind<br />
of doctor<br />
to do what you do.<br />
<br />
How far does it go?<br />
When does it end?<br />
<br />
I flush<br />
all the pills<br />
and start again.<br />
<br />
Sometimes, a mood<br />
is just a mood.Tara Goodyearhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05235300614438003465noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8073638690157004596.post-37168533695162961162017-10-29T12:55:00.000-07:002017-10-30T21:27:39.012-07:00Dear WhitecoatsYou may have read more books.<br />
You may have seen the insides<br />
of a perfectly-preserved corpse.<br />
You may have practiced your top stitch<br />
until it was perfect,<br />
and you may know the Latin roots<br />
of <i>requiescat</i>,<br />
<br />
but I do too.<br />
<br />
I also know when breath<br />
slips between screams<br />
of pain and pleas,<br />
your technique<br />
may be the reason.<br />
<br />
It wasn't her mind<br />
playing tricks<br />
or the opiates<br />
you prescribed<br />
to keep her quiet.<br />
<br />
It didn't happen<br />
until you<br />
shoved your hands<br />
beneath her skin<br />
in surgery<br />
after all.<br />
<br />
Doesn't one-plus-one<br />
still equal two?<br />
How did you get three?<br />
<br />
Fast forward<br />
three years<br />
and her chest<br />
is pressed<br />
into her back<br />
by invisible weights.<br />
She vomits,<br />
and her mind senses<br />
it is the end;<br />
but you say it isn't.<br />
<br />
What is it then?<br />
<br />
You point to him,<br />
he points to her,<br />
she points to you.<br />
No one knows<br />
what to do.<br />
<br />
A resident<br />
tries Nitro-<br />
a quick fix<br />
under the tongue.<br />
The symptoms end.<br />
The day is saved<br />
even if you failed.<br />
Again.<br />
<br />
119 days<br />
is all we get.<br />
But her heart<br />
ends up a fraction<br />
of what it was.<br />
Could we have<br />
had more?<br />
Should we have<br />
had more?<br />
I'll never know.<br />
<br />
You stole<br />
the time we had left<br />
because you assumed<br />
instead of assessed.<br />
You may know a lot<br />
about bodies and minds<br />
and the anatomy inside;<br />
but I know something<br />
apparently you don't:<br />
<br />
when a heart stops,<br />
it might not be a side effect.<br />
<br />Tara Goodyearhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05235300614438003465noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8073638690157004596.post-83396553275849609432017-09-28T00:00:00.001-07:002017-09-28T00:00:52.997-07:00Half LifeI have opened my eyes<br />
every morning<br />
for 13,951 days.<br />
<br />
I am more than half way<br />
through your life,<br />
maybe also through<br />
more than half of mine.<br />
<br />
Every choice<br />
is an avenue<br />
where what I choose<br />
can be the end<br />
or beginning.<br />
<br />
I freeze.<br />
I can’t think.<br />
I can’t breathe.<br />
I can’t see<br />
what road to pick<br />
that will lead<br />
home.<br />
<br />
Home is not where<br />
it used to be;<br />
you’re not there.<br />
I’m not there.<br />
<br />
Everything feels<br />
in between,<br />
like a forgotten path<br />
nobody travels anymore.<br />
<br />
I feel separate,<br />
alone,<br />
lost in the middle<br />
of what was<br />
and what never will be<br />
again.<br />
<br />
Every day my eyes open<br />
is a day I have not seen.<br />
It is a day<br />
you will never see,<br />
another tick<br />
on my calendar<br />
of grief.<br />
<br />
Time is a thief,<br />
a disease of my mind.<br />
The days keep<br />
coming<br />
and going,<br />
coming<br />
and going.<br />
<br />
But you do not.<br />
Someday<br />
I will stop<br />
and I wonder<br />
if anyone<br />
will miss me<br />
as much as I miss you?<br />
<br />
<br />Tara Goodyearhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05235300614438003465noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8073638690157004596.post-46335073755435318302017-09-19T21:01:00.001-07:002017-09-19T21:01:31.062-07:00Silent ScreamThere is no sunrise,<br />
only rotation.<br />
There is no sadness,<br />
at least not that I can mention.<br />
There is only silence,<br />
a scream inside<br />
I can never let out<br />
like the painting -<br />
frozen in color and pain.<br />
I am orange, yellow, red -<br />
flames curved around<br />
an alien face<br />
you can't see is me.<br />
I open my mouth<br />
and push out only air.<br />
<br />
Yet I keep screaming.<br />
<br />Tara Goodyearhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05235300614438003465noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8073638690157004596.post-48037559955955440952017-09-18T00:18:00.000-07:002017-09-18T12:53:54.172-07:00Storm SurgeIt came in waves<br />
at first.<br />
<br />
I'd duck under<br />
or climb over,<br />
tire myself out<br />
with every effort.<br />
<br />
Then, another hot slap<br />
from the Atlantic<br />
took me down,<br />
sucked me in<br />
until up<br />
and the ground<br />
weren't any different. <br />
<br />
The air slipped<br />
away<br />
one bubble here,<br />
twenty there.<br />
<br />
My lungs burned<br />
with the hunger<br />
and pain<br />
of wanting more.<br />
<br />
I always want<br />
more<br />
when there's nothing<br />
left.<br />
<br />
No breath, no happiness,<br />
it's all gone -<br />
a sunken beach house<br />
smashed to memories<br />
by the storm;<br />
an entire branch<br />
of family<br />
broken off<br />
at the seams.<br />
<br />
I am lost<br />
because no one<br />
sees me<br />
disappear.<br />
<br />
I scream<br />
in the distance,<br />
hands flailing,<br />
body frantic,<br />
but you<br />
are never listening.<br />
<br />
After three tries<br />
I fail;<br />
the water<br />
recedes,<br />
taking me<br />
with it.<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />Tara Goodyearhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05235300614438003465noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8073638690157004596.post-60528028120365111132017-09-13T01:08:00.001-07:002017-09-13T01:08:13.030-07:00Our Past Has No FutureBlue eyes<br />
Red lips<br />
You always go<br />
for the same thing.<br />
<br />
Twenty years back<br />
we knew it all,<br />
but we were still babies<br />
learning to crawl.<br />
<br />
Life went on<br />
until the bottom dropped out.<br />
You showed up just in time<br />
to drag me farther down.<br />
<br />
I fell apart<br />
and you let me fall;<br />
you enjoyed the show -<br />
it's your fatal flaw.<br />
<br />
But time pushed us forward<br />
and away from you I flew.<br />
I was suffocating here<br />
and underneath you.<br />
<br />
I slipped away<br />
and out of your life,<br />
down the road<br />
and across the miles.<br />
<br />
Then I see you -<br />
a stranger staring back at me -<br />
smiling in familiar poses<br />
with someone who's not me.<br />
<br />
But something has changed;<br />
you look different.<br />
Your smile is wide and bright,<br />
and there's no hint of diffidence.<br />
<br />
You finally look happy,<br />
which makes me happy too;<br />
and I am finally free<br />
from whatever I was to you.<br />
<br />
We are a past without a present<br />
or future to speak of,<br />
but we have had our time<br />
and it was more than enough.<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />Tara Goodyearhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05235300614438003465noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8073638690157004596.post-34688485311393690942017-09-05T19:41:00.003-07:002017-09-05T19:44:50.299-07:00Life In ColorYou paint me<br />
in black and grey,<br />
then ask me<br />
where the color<br />
has gone?<br />
Where is the yellow<br />
in the blond<br />
of my hair;<br />
where is the blue<br />
of my eyes<br />
you imagined<br />
when looking<br />
at the ocean? <br />
I cannot say. <br />
The palette<br />
was never mine<br />
to choose the paint. <br />
I live somewhere<br />
between the light <br />
and dark<br />
of your mind<br />
and heart,<br />
a place color<br />
cannot go<br />
because you<br />
never chose<br />
to live outside<br />
the shadows.Tara Goodyearhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05235300614438003465noreply@blogger.com0