I used to look at you
and just see your lips,
think of how they felt
so long ago during that kiss
where I swear you felt
something more
than a bulge in your pants
for me.
But that was my fantasy -
the one that I held onto
like a string in the dark,
hoping it would lead me
to safety
to you
to anywhere but here.
I followed that string
right into a wall
where you told me
you felt nothing,
nothing at all for me
then
now
ever.
Now what do I do
with all of this rope?
I can't go back.
I can't go forward.
The last bit of hope
has been fractured
beyond repair.
The fantasy has dissipated
into thin air
like it was nothing,
like I was nothing.
Maybe I was.
Maybe that kiss was just a kiss.
I can't change the past.
I can't make you
see
want
love
ache for me
like I have for you
since I was fifteen.
I can't do anything
but let go
and hope
there is life
after you.
