What You Meant To Me Never Meant Anything To You

I used to look at you
and just see your lips,
think of how they felt
so long ago during that kiss
where I swear you felt
something more
than a bulge in your pants
for me.

But that was my fantasy -
the one that I held onto
like a string in the dark,
hoping it would lead me
to safety
to you
to anywhere but here.

I followed that string
right into a wall
where you told me
you felt nothing,
nothing at all for me
then
now
ever.

Now what do I do
with all of this rope?

I can't go back.
I can't go forward.

The last bit of hope
has been fractured
beyond repair.

The fantasy has dissipated
into thin air
like it was nothing,
like I was nothing.

Maybe I was.
Maybe that kiss was just a kiss.

I can't change the past.
I can't make you
see
want
love
ache for me
like I have for you
since I was fifteen.

I can't do anything
but let go
and hope
there is life
after you.

The Anneslee Poems: Hand Prints

You slip your hand from mine,

leaving your hand print

behind

seared into my skin.

I never want to wash

where we touched

again –

just walk around,

lost in love

and the feeling

of where you have been

on me.

You slip your hand from my face,

leaving your hand print

of hate

burning my skin.

I cannot wash you away,

the pain sticks to my

skin –

no matter how hard I scrub

your wound lingers,

the stain imprinted

with your five fingers

I cannot get rid of.

The memory of fear

you leave on me

scars my heart

like botched surgery.

It ruins the love

that lived on my skin;

how changed I am

one hand print

to the next.

Deficient

The whitecoats say
I am deficient
in sunshine
and iron,
the things
that brighten
and strengthen
from within.

If they only knew
all the ways
I am deficient.

My heart
has withered
into a raisin
in my chest.

There is no love,
no happiness,
no abstract feeling
here.

Just a sad memory
of what was.

The Anneslee Poems: Use with Caution

To you,
they are sounds
you make
with your mouth.

They mean nothing.

To me,
they are pieces
of your soul
dripping
from your lips
with every breath.

They mean everything.

Is it no wonder,
then,
you shattered
my heart
with one sentence?

The Anneslee Poems: TKO

You say

"I love you"

with your fists

like a boxer

in a prize fight.

 

You leave

colorful reminders

behind

so I never forget

how much

you care.

 

This is my life

behind closed doors.

 

This is how much

you care.

 

I raise the white flag,

throw in the towel,

surrender my life,

give up.

 

My body can't handle

your kind

of love.

The Anneslee Poems: Thunder and Lightning

Wherever you are,

there I am.

We cannot be

anything less

or more

than what we are

together.

 

You are the charge

in the spark

of my fire.

I am the light

in the sky

of your morning.

 

We burn

down the world

like stars falling.

You are my thunder,

I am your lightning.

 

Always.

The Anneslee Poems: Space Jump

I’ve jumped feet first

into a black hole

with you.

I hold your hand,

you hold my heart,

the world is ours.

We have no beginning

and there is no end.

We are together.

Finally.