Habit

The seconds, minutes, hours tick by
until I see you again
like an addict waiting for her fix,
I watch time go by in slow motion.

I see your car, then you.
A smile on your lips
and in your eyes
My heart beats
like a snare drum
going into battle
or before an execution.

Your hand slides
from my neck to my cheek
to my lips
and I shiver-
I want more.

Your tongue tastes crisp, sweet
like cold watermelon in July.
Your hot skin is electric
as it touches my own.

I feel like I stuck my finger
in a light socket
and I want to do it again
I lie back and take you in
over and over until my mind
flies high away from here
and I am free.

When I wake, my brain throbs
against my bones
as if it were trying to escape…
I want to do it again, take you in
anywhere I can until the pain
stops
the ache
dulls
and the rest is silence.

I know I am addicted
you are crack/cocaine, heroin
All I want or need
Fill me up again
I can’t think of or feel
anything else
I’m begging for it
Just to get my fix
To feel you on my skin
To smell you, taste you
Euphoria to my senses.

My body burns for you-
Fire cracking and popping
beneath my skin-
the anticipation of you.

I am intoxicated,
absorbed by you
kidnapped from reality
and thrust into Love.

Soon, will I be immune
or need too much to get through?
Will that be it… no more fix?
Emotional detox, love’s death…
I cannot accept
the possibility
of the end…
Just one more hit, quick
before reality sets in

Pull me back to that place
I ache for
since the first time
safe in the dark, in your arms
lost in love, at least for the moment.

I need to be free
just one more time
just this once
I swear I can quit.