Living in the Rear View

The April rains are here to stay
but all the flowers have died.
The veil of grief has never lifted,
no matter how many smiles I've applied
to my face in hopes that faking it
would make it true.

But the lie never becomes the truth.

You are still gone
and I am still alone-
a motherless child
too far away from home.

I see your face in frames
with a smile you rarely wore,
and I wish that those moments
weren't frozen,
that you'd been happy more
back then
when everything that I thought
was so hard
could never be
as hard as everything
is now.

And the rain just keeps pouring down.

Life keeps going without me
like it's no big deal,
like nobody in the world
even cares how it all makes me feel.

It's as if the sun has vanished,
gone into hiding for good
and it's absolutely fitting
for this unshakeable mood
I seem to be in
since the day you left.

Maybe I just need more rest.

Or maybe I just need you back
and all the good and bad that comes
with your return.

If I could, I would bring you back-
yet another human who hasn't learned
that they never come back
the same as they were

but I don't care

because I'd have you
here with me.
where you should be
and the world would make sense
for the first time
since a moderately mild Monday
in March when you went away.