Life Without You

I pick up the phone
to call you

and tell you about my day

but the number I'd dial

isn't yours anymore. 

To say I miss you

will never be enough. 

I still haven't figured out

how to live

somewhere

you no longer

exist

or have never

even visited.

I wish I could go back

and find you again

but even the ghost

of you is gone,

and I feel like

an asthmatic 

always trying

to catch my breath.

There's just never

enough air.

Not here, not there,

not anywhere I look 

because you are gone

and you are not

coming back. 

There's no cure

for the hole

you left in my chest

when you took

that last gasp of air.

We suffocated

together 

even though 

you're the only one

they buried.

I put the phone down
along with the life
I imagined for myself
when you were still here.

Someday I'll remember
I can't call you anymore,
but that day is not today.