Our Disney Doesn't Exist

I see your name

on my caller ID

and the warm vanilla tones

of your voice

fills my ears -

the memories

of years gone by

still so fresh

I can smell your cologne

on an old shirt

you let me keep.

We were so close, 

thieves thick with lies

we told

each other

hoping one day

we would live up to them

but never trying

to actually be

who we said we were. 

But who were we?

What were we?

We were a fairy tale

without the happy ending,

a Tinkerbell who found her Pan

who loved the sprite in her

but not when she tried to be human. 

I was the one

you named villain, 

shackled with the blame

of our failed attempts

at something good

(though that is like Captain Hook

calling out Rumpelstiltskin).

We wielded deceit 

with the precision 

of a knight's blade

as though we were trained

to cut deep and true;

but my feelings - 

then and now - 

for you have not waned 

in your absence.  

It doesn't matter now,

but I would do it over again

just to leave you lipstick kisses

and hear your voice

lulling me to sleep

like a siren in the Atlantic mist

making promises 

you'll never keep -

because even to have

your promises 

is better than this silence. 

I answer your call

and wait for the lies

like I am

waiting on Christmas.

This - This - This - 

I must remind myself

is what we wished for.