Sunday, August 20, 2017

My Heart Is A Barrier Island

My heart is a barrier island
with bridges and inlets
keeping the world at bay. 

It's untarnished by hate,
wild with the overgrowth
of unchartered love. 

The ocean beats
against my shores,
beckoning for explorers
to come. 

No one does. 

I pull the bridges up
and withdraw
into the brambling forest
of loneliness. 


Thursday, May 25, 2017

Like Old Clothes

You tried me on
to see if I'd fit -
my intellect
and your wit
could make it
work right?

But that isn't it -
there's more skin
and sinew -
too much for you
and the wrong color
too
I imagine.

You tried me on
once before
to see how I'd feel
but you took me off
in an instant -
something wasn't right
but you didn't know what.

We were friends
and then nothing.
You just put me back
in the closet
and left me hanging
until you were ready
to try again.

Two times you tried,
just enough
to be sure...
but it's not you -
it's me -
so you traded
me in for someone new.

Who?

Discarded, unfit...

It's time
to quit
wondering
if I'll ever find
someone to keep me.

Thursday, May 18, 2017

Chris Cornell

Your mind was a garden
of rhythm and words,
sung out in four octaves,
touching the wounded souls
in this world with gentle hands.

Your mouth was a white flag,
begging for forgiveness
and peace,
whispering prayers
to anyone who'd listen.

We learned your words,
we sang along,
but we never listened.

No one does.

The darkness swallowed
you up like a black hole
and we all stand shocked
in the sunlight of today,
wondering what went wrong?

You had everything, didn't you?
What shadows followed you
besides your own?

We'll never know.

Your life ended
before we could find
the right questions.

Say hi to heaven for us.

Monday, May 8, 2017

Time

It's been 2,975 days
since I saw you take
your last breath.

I struggle to catch mine
each time
I think of you
as my eyes blur and burn
with sadness.

We had so much still to do -
together,
separately -
but life goes on
without us
and our plans.

Everywhere I look
there is a memory
of where you once were,
where you stood,
something you said,
your smile, your hurt.

An ache builds in me,
pain screaming out
just to have you back again.

But no one is listening.

My voice is silence
in their ears -
much like it was
to you most of my life.

I fold into myself,
into this void
created when you left.

I cannot catch my breath,
I cannot imagine a life
without you
no matter how hard I try.

2,975 days becomes 2,976
and then 2,977...

We all just keep going
like the second hand of a clock
who does not realize
the minute hand
stopped
8 years, 1 month, and 22 days
ago.

Monday, April 3, 2017

Sentence Prison

It wasn't the night we met
that ruined me.
It was three -
no four - years later
when you labeled me
the dream girl
you always wanted -
- a dream of a girl
in a world
I could never fit in
or belong
or could be.

I heard what I wanted,
but you said the words -
I just ignored the grammar
and the order.

It was all there -
for a single moment -
the life I'd imagined we'd share
breathed into existence
by words
that have caged me ever since.

I was never enough
except for one night
in a Burger King
where you said everything
I wanted to hear;
where truth I knew
and you still don't
dropped from your lips
like atom bombs filled
with glitter and dust
instead of napalm and indifference.

I can't remember now
what you said
or how it stopped my heart
the way it did.
They were just syllables
and punctuation -
nothing more, nothing less.

Words strung together
like old Christmas lights
you hope will set the tree
aglow
and not on fire.

Words I have made my prison,
locked myself in
and thrown away the key.

I'm still sitting
in that booth,
listening,
though it's been years
since you left.

Tuesday, February 28, 2017

Betrayal

You wrote me letters
and signed them with love.
You sent presents and money
like your words weren't enough.

You always offered to help,
no strings attached.
I blindly accepted,
falling right into your trap.

I loved you like no other,
and defended you to the end,
but your letters stopped coming
and I was left alone again.

You think money is the answer,
that it'll buy everything you need,
except at the end of the day
only your love could buy me.

So what did your words mean
now that you've disappeared?
What about your promises
that you'd always be here?

There is no defense
that could mend my broken heart.
You were nothing
but a liar right from the start.



Saturday, September 3, 2016

Our Disney Doesn't Exist

I see your name
on my caller ID
and the warm vanilla tones
of your voice
fills my ears -
the memories
of years gone by
still so fresh
I can smell your cologne
on an old shirt
you let me keep.

We were so close, 
thieves thick with lies
we told
each other
hoping one day
we would live up to them
but never trying
to actually be
who we said we were. 

But who were we?

What were we?

We were a fairy tale
without the happy ending,
a Tinkerbell who found her Pan
who loved the sprite in her
but not when she tried to be human. 

I was the one
you named villain, 
shackled with the blame
of our failed attempts
at something good
(though that is like Captain Hook
calling out Rumpelstiltskin).

We wielded deceit 
with the precision 
of a knight's blade
as though we were trained
to cut deep and true;
but my feelings - 
then and now - 
for you have not waned 
in your absence.  

It doesn't matter now,
but I would do it over again
just to leave you lipstick kisses
and hear your voice
lulling me to sleep
like a siren in the Atlantic mist
making promises 
you'll never keep -
because even to have
your promises 
is better than this silence. 

I answer your call
and wait for the lies
like I am
waiting on Christmas.

This - This - This - 
I must remind myself
is what we wished for.