Burning Out

No one sees how dark it is

because I turn on every light

when they come around

like this is how I live

the minutes in my life. 

It's easier to put on a show

than lie to make them feel

better

safe

or like we're all okay.

I'd rather pretend,

make it seem okay

than say the words out loud.

The lies are always easiest

to believe, to hear

but never to tell.

The truth is

the lights are burning out

one-by-one,

and soon

you'll see

what it's like for me.

Was It Real?

Do you carry me with you

in your memory palace,

or am I lost in the sea of thoughts

you refuse to think again?

I believed I mattered to you,

that 23 years meant something

and you couldn't do to me

what you did to everyone else.

But it's been almost 4 years

since I've heard your laugh,

your excitement about new projects,

your worries about problems

you helped create.

Did I imagine it?

The heartache reminds me

it was real

even if you try to pretend

it wasn't.

I was there.

I remember.

Do you?

In Another Time

I had a dream

we were together,

laughing and smiling

in ways we never did.

Maybe that's us

in another world,

a parallel universe

where being together

created positivity

instead of the toxicity

we lived.

I hope so.

It gives me peace

to believe

somewhere,

in some other time

and place, 

I'm happy

and loved.

Moments

I counted the days

you were here

and it was only 3 months more

than her - 

29 years just the same

and never enough either way. 

I don't know

why you had to leave

or where you went

but I hope

I'll see you again.

If not in this life,

in the next.

Two of my favorite souls

slipped through my fingers

like the wind,

wispy sighs no one

can touch

or hold.

I imagine

every whisk and whirl

is your arms

wrapping around

my shoulders

like all the hugs

I'll never have again. 

And for a moment,

a breath,

there is nothing but love.