Sunday, December 30, 2012

You and Your Love Songs

I looked up
and there you were
as if you'd been there
all along.

Our eyes met,
my heart dissolved
and every word
became a song
that you'd written
just for me.

Too bad I didn't see
that you wrote
songs for everyone.

Then a wind blew
and took you away,
as if notes
were just floating
in the sky
waiting to disappear.

And words
were just words
as if they always
had been
and I was the only one
who'd heard the music
in the first place
like I hallucinated

I refused to move,
I waited for you
but all that was left
was your absence.

Gut wrenching silence
twisted my insides
like the butterflies
used to
and all I could do
was wait.

I withered to dust
in the unforgiving sun,
and I wondered
as I faded if you knew
that I was there waiting,
hoping you felt
just a little
of all that I had felt for you?

Surely, if you had
you wouldn't have
left me there
anchored in the mud
of your melodic promises
you never knew
I expected you to keep.

You would have
come to my rescue,
my knight
in tarnished armor-
all fairy tale
forever afters implied.

But there is nothing
left now,
just bone fragments
and dust bunnies
of music notes
and guitar strings.

The silence is deafening
and I wish I never missed
the way you sang
when you sang to me
the way you never miss me
now that I'm gone.

Wednesday, December 26, 2012

Muscle Memory

It's not deja vu.

It's the muscle memory
of the heart
from when you
and I tore
the dream
like it was only ours
to ruin.

It's not round two
for us to try again
and make it work
when it never did
because we're older
but none the wiser
or better
for the mistakes
we made.

It's the glass
we shattered
and tried to repair
without all the parts
to make it whole again -
it may look the same
but the water will always
find it's way through.

It's not a record
we ever should play again -
it's worn with the scratches
and gashes of our words
and pain.
It can't sound the same
no matter how much our ears
want to hear the notes
we remember.

It's just noise
no melody
and we need
to let it rest.
It's just history
we didn't learn from
and muscle memory
that won't let us be.

Thursday, December 13, 2012

Please Leave, Now Don't

I say the words
that will make you go,
make you leave
before you
can hurt me.

You think I'm someone
I will never be -
a golden girl
with all the right words
who'll make you happy.

But what do I know
about happiness?
Is it smiling the way I do
when you call or text?
Is it laughing at your jokes
because even when they aren't funny
I love that you tried?
Is it wanting to call
every time
anything happens?

You don't see
anything but gold
but what you don't know
is that I bend
more easily
than you think.

I can't take any more dents
in my armor -
nothing gold holds true
and you don't know me
the way you think you do.

I'm a phony,
iron to the core
with a shiny coating
to make you believe
I'm more.

I say the words
I know will make you go
but what you don't know,
what you can't see
is how sad it makes me
when you leave.

Saturday, December 8, 2012

Please Come Home For Christmas

The lights glitter
and twinkle
as you weave
each strand
in and out
for hours
until it seems
like the whole
is glowing.

You select each
glass ball,
crocheted snowflake
and sparkling ornament
one by one
until they dangle
from nearly every branch.

Your hands wrap
the hooks securely
in place
and what was once
a bunch of bare twigs
is now full
of love and light.

Every year
it was the same
but four years
have come and gone
and it's all changed.
You're not here
and neither is your tree.
The lights are blown,
the glass balls are broken
and my heart is burnt out.
Please come back
and light me up again -
you've been missing
long enough.

Talk that Talk

You speak sounds
but no words form.
They mean nothing.

You try to make
every syllable
sound unique
and special
the same way you
want to be
and special
but they don't
and you aren't.

You cannot change
the world
by wanting
the world
to be different.
You cannot change
by just desire
and hope -
they will get you

The world changes
through action
and inspiration.

Stop talking.
No one's listening