Sunday, March 25, 2012


The air is clean and crisp
as it permeates my every cell
I am refreshed
yet I think of you.

There are green sprouts
bursting from the brown
of all the plants
in our complex
and I am eager to see the colors
of spring and summer return,
eager to see this earth
because maybe
then I will feel better
feel brighter
with so much life around me.

Maybe then I'll breathe
sleep better
watch the night burn brighter
and think less
about getting in my car
and driving 3000 miles
just to see if you're there
because somehow
I still let myself
you are.

I leave the windows down
as I drive home
and I listen to the crickets
and the frogs
call out in hopes
they are not alone
like I am
and I envy them -

They'll go on,
they'll find what they're looking for;
but me
I'll just keep driving
this dark road
it'll lead me back to you.

I glance at the field
I pass every time I drive
this road
and there they are:
soft brown coats
and black tails
a family of deer
feeding together
and it fills me
with undeniable joy.

There is so much
you'd love here
but the thing you'd love most
is how happy here
makes me and I realize
I don't need
to go anywhere
to find you.

The road passes
quickly beneath me
and in one quick breath
I am home -
somewhere I haven't been
in a long time.

Sunday, March 18, 2012

The Promises of Youth

Thirteen years between us
and here you are again
back in my life
with one sentence,
nine words long.

Endless possibilities
stare at me
from a computer screen
that has been blank too long.

I click reply
and suddenly feel sixteen again –
when the world was new
and anything could happen.

We aren’t so young anymore.

Age has dulled our shine;
and somewhere between
who we were
and who we became
is the person we wanted to be.

You help me remember
the girl I was
before Life got in the way,
before “If” started my sentences
and regret lived on my tongue.

Let’s go back,
start over,
begin again.

Let’s be who we were,
even if just for a moment –
just you and me
against the world
as the people
we always dreamed
we were going to be –
two lovers of words
and of life
full of steam
and laughter
ready for anything
and everything.

Ah, the promises of youth.

(for JAH)

Friday, March 9, 2012


The days ahead are wrapped in grief
like an unwanted present still under the tree
I just put away
even though it's March -
I just couldn't bring myself
to tear it apart
when it's still so cold outside
and so many of the ornaments easily remind me
of you.

I just can't let you go,
not yet -
not ever.

I remember all the days
we spent warming ourselves in the sun
and I think of the laughter
that spilled out of us until we couldn't breathe.
It was an endless summer
I thought would never end
until the end was all we had left.

It's time to unwrap all the gifts
as this winter leads to spring
and let the grief disappear,
let the tears dry,
and stop letting the fear
of living without you
keep me from living at all.

I know I won't be able to see you
as you stand beside me now
but I believe you are always with me
and it is time
to lift the funeral shroud.

I open the drapes
that have covered my soul
since the day you left
and let Life in.