Monday, February 25, 2013

Allie Cat

Your green eyes search mine,
afraid I am going to hurt you
like somebody else before me
may have,
or at least you think they did
in your unexposed mind.

From that moment,
I knew
I was meant for you.

I brought you home,
all wild and untamed,
claws out
and ready to strike
if I said or did the wrong thing.

I, too, am a bit wild
and untamed,
but ready to love you
no matter how many scratches
or bite marks
you leave on my skin.

We grow together
for twenty-three days
until your last breath
in my arms
leaves me
empty and tearless,
and unable to breathe

You'd think I'd be a pro
at saying goodbye,
but my sides still ache
from the words
I don't want to say
yet again.

I kiss you
as you slip away
and I feel the cracks
in my heart
bust wide open.

Saturday, February 9, 2013

Living in the Rear View

The April rains are here to stay
but all the flowers have died.
The veil of grief has never lifted,
no matter how many smiles I've applied
to my face in hopes that faking it
would make it true.

But the lie never becomes the truth.

You are still gone
and I am still alone-
a motherless child
too far away from home.

I see your face in frames
with a smile you rarely wore,
and I wish that those moments
weren't frozen,
that you'd been happy more
back then
when everything that I thought
was so hard
could never be
as hard as everything
is now.

And the rain just keeps pouring down.

Life keeps going without me
like it's no big deal,
like nobody in the world
even cares how it all makes me feel.

It's as if the sun has vanished,
gone into hiding for good
and it's absolutely fitting
for this unshakeable mood
I seem to be in
since the day you left.

Maybe I just need more rest.

Or maybe I just need you back
and all the good and bad that comes
with your return.

If I could, I would bring you back-
yet another human who hasn't learned
that they never come back
the same as they were

but I don't care

because I'd have you
here with me.
where you should be
and the world would make sense
for the first time
since a moderately mild Monday
in March when you went away.

Wednesday, February 6, 2013


I listen.
I hear you.
Every syllable
of every lie
you speak.

handle me with care
and sing my praises
like you're my assistant
instead of a love interest.

I wish
I had super powers
and could make your words
into nothing
like the smoke
you blow into me
when I can't breathe
instead of the oxygen
I need.

You suffocate me
with what could be
and then abandon me
for what is.

Sure, let's still be the friends
we've never been
so I can be your fall back plan
when you decide
that you want
the love of a lifetime
you thought I could be
before she became
the new love of your life.