One Last Time

You must've smelled the rot
as you faded from my mind,
so you crept up out of the grave
to try and fool me one last time.

Now the flesh has fallen away
and I can finally see what you are:
just a cage of bones are left now
where there used to be a heart.

You can crack your hands against the door
and keep hoping I'll let you in
but all you are is a bad memory
and I couldn't be less interested.

I can't remember your face
or the sound of your voice;
your smile is dust in my mind,
your words - just more noise.

You thought you hurt me,
that I'd be lost and alone
but now it's you that's coming around
and hoping to atone.

All I have to say to you
is this final message of goodbye:
you aren't ever again welcome here,
not even for one last time.

Bully

I am drowning in your sea of rage
with no shoreline in sight;
your words crash over me
pulling me

down

down

down.

I let your anger fill me,
let the hate swallow me whole.
Then I let the struggle go
and settle into the muck.

Cold currents wrap around me
like your arms never will;
the blackness sucks me in
as I drown.

Your words echo in my ears
as one final beat escapes my heart,
And who I was is gone-
I am a part of you now

Victory

No one ever said
this was a fight
we couldn’t win.

No one ever said
it was a fight
you wouldn’t finish.

The odds weren’t in our favor.
The deck was stacked against us.
The house always wins –
too bad nobody told us.

I held your hand.
I stood by your side.
I did what they said.
We did everything right
but it didn’t matter –
you’re still gone.
I keep asking why
but no answer ever comes.

The odds weren’t in our favor.
The deck was stacked against us.
The house always wins –
why didn’t anybody tell us?

Looking back I see it now,
where it all went wrong –
we were doomed from the start
and they knew it all along.

The odds weren’t in our favor.
The deck was stacked against us.
The house always wins –
I’m glad nobody told us.

Those days were ours
and that will never change
no matter how many times
the house wins.

Countdown

Each time I look
at the lighthouse calendar
my aunt gave me
because the corners
wouldn't stay up
properly
and she knew
I loved night lanterns
on seaside shores,
I see I am a day
closer to you.

So many days,
years even,
have passed
between us
and who knows
what we'll say
when our eyes
meet again.

I tense at the thought
and then smile
because I know
whatever else happens
that seeing you again
will be worth
the six hour
butt-numbing flight
and four hour drive
it'll take
to bring me back to you.

We can't go back
or be who we were.
We can't conjure
the past
and become what we thought
we were going to be.

We can just be
who we've always been -
two people
who know how to move
around each other
and laugh with the ease
and grace and warmth
of the best of friends.

The Fabric of Our Past

The spring flower fresh scent
wafts through the air
as I fold the fabric
one corner at a time
until it is neatly square
and ready to be put away.

Onto the next item in my basket
I pull out a towel
I do not recognize.
It is worn and tattered,
faded and frayed
like my heart.

I hold it up so I can see
the image of some b-rated
gory horror movie
I'd maybe watch on video
but certainly never buy
anything proving
that I saw it.

Somewhere there is a memory
of you lying in the sun,
brown skin sprawled out
warming in the light.
I can see the corner
of a towel in my mind
and I know it is the same
towel I now hold in my hands.

I rip the towel in two
and throw it in the garbage
the way I should've done to you
when you came around knocking
on my door.

I want no part of you
in my heart
in my life
in my house
and certainly not near my body
ever again.

Closure

I left you once.
Then I did it again,
and yet you come back for more.
Why do you expect the same results
when I'm not who I was before?

Your words are empty sound beats
just like the rhythms of your heart -
a caged beast beneath your chest,
damaged and permanently scarred.

There are only charred remains
of the many promises you made,
and I swept those ashes out the door,
moved on and away.

Your chances with me ran out -
you never were very lucky.
You lost me twice, the past is gone
and it will stay dead and buried.

Happiness is You

Laughter permeates the air
as we reminisce
about times gone by
and I try not to think
about it too much
even though all I want
is to think about you -
to think about
"if" and "could"
because lonely hearts
shouldn't have to be
alone.

You remind me
of the girl
I was,
who I wanted to be
before all those
words like "if" and "could"
got in my way.

I like who I am
with you
and whatever
this is.

It could be enough.
There's that word
again...

"could"

I am reminded
of the last time
I saw you
and the memory
makes me smile.

I sat with you
indian style
in your living room
as you recounted
the many hilarious
trials of your youth.

I still remember
the ache in my side
as we giggled
like children
and I am filled
with joy.

The ache in my side
has not subsided
as you continue
to make me laugh.
I wasn't sure
I still knew how.

It is like the sun
has peaked out
from behind the clouds
just for me
and I can't help
but bathe in your light.