Closure

I left you once.
Then I did it again,
and yet you come back for more.
Why do you expect the same results
when I'm not who I was before?

Your words are empty sound beats
just like the rhythms of your heart -
a caged beast beneath your chest,
damaged and permanently scarred.

There are only charred remains
of the many promises you made,
and I swept those ashes out the door,
moved on and away.

Your chances with me ran out -
you never were very lucky.
You lost me twice, the past is gone
and it will stay dead and buried.

Happiness is You

Laughter permeates the air
as we reminisce
about times gone by
and I try not to think
about it too much
even though all I want
is to think about you -
to think about
"if" and "could"
because lonely hearts
shouldn't have to be
alone.

You remind me
of the girl
I was,
who I wanted to be
before all those
words like "if" and "could"
got in my way.

I like who I am
with you
and whatever
this is.

It could be enough.
There's that word
again...

"could"

I am reminded
of the last time
I saw you
and the memory
makes me smile.

I sat with you
indian style
in your living room
as you recounted
the many hilarious
trials of your youth.

I still remember
the ache in my side
as we giggled
like children
and I am filled
with joy.

The ache in my side
has not subsided
as you continue
to make me laugh.
I wasn't sure
I still knew how.

It is like the sun
has peaked out
from behind the clouds
just for me
and I can't help
but bathe in your light.

Caller ID

I see your name
before I hear your voice
and there's just a moment
where I feel the breath
catch -
my throat muscles tense.

My palms feel damp
with the humidity
of possibility.

I say hello
and instantly
my body relaxes.

My soul sighs
as if your call
was all it needed
to survive
another day.

Nightly Routine

The cool air of night
blows in through my window
as the white noise
hum of the fan
drowns out the night noises
and my mind.

Sleep drifts in
to curl
its long fingertips
around me
with a grip
that tells me
I am safe
until morning
and I cannot stop
my body
from relaxing.

I sink into my six pillows
and feel my day
slip away into blackness.

Yet still I think of you.

Your face permeates
my fading thoughts
and I wonder
what you're up to,
if you're still awake
or if sleep has found you, too.

My eyelids collapse -
the traitors -
and I can resist
slumber no more.

These thoughts
and you
will be there
in the morning.

Blackberry Picking

The sweet scent of overripe blackberries
hangs in the air like Spanish moss
on the Live Oak trees back home
and I want to pluck
them from their slumber
on the vines that assault
every random space their tendrils
can reach.

Blackberry pie sounds delightful
and I know you'd like it too.

How easy it is to do the things
you always wanted me to do
now that you're not here.

Thoughts

These thoughts of you-
they are mine,
you can't have them.

They comfort me
in the dark
when I worry
I am not alone.

They bring me joy
when tears
threaten my cheeks.

They warm my heart
when it grows
cold and starts
to wither away.

These thoughts of you-
they are treacherous,
they consume me
like salty pluff mud
out past the dock
of our youth.

You cannot see
how the possibility
of you affects me
every day.

They whisper
like crickets
chirping in my ears,
telling me it's okay
to want more.

How my heart
betrays me
every time
I think of you.

Anticipation

I hear my heartbeat
in my ears
but cannot feel it
in my chest

My ribs cage
an empty nest

yet I exist
still...

I feel a flutter
in my bones
and I second guess
myself
that no one's home
that my heart has left
me alone

yet the whisper
of you burns
my insides

and I hesitate
on the precipice
knowing
this is it...

I leap
and take all my chances.