The Weight of Grief

I could not keep
the tears
from falling.
It's what they do
no matter how hard
I try to hold them
in my eyes.
They trip over
my lids and lashes,
escape down my cheeks
with absolute abandon.

I cannot help but cry.
You have been gone
too long
and I cannot remember
the lines of your face
the way I used to,
or the way you smiled
when a song, word
or sermon made sense.

Nothing makes sense
without you.

But still I am here
and life has gone on
even though I knew
better than my own name
it would stop
the moment you stopped.

But still I am here
and you are not -
words I cannot say
or swallow
or think
because what do they mean
anyway?

How can I breathe,
have a heart beat,
talk, move, live
when you do not?

I feel like a run-on sentence
that needs punctuation
but your stop
and mine
were never meant
to be aligned.

This is the natural order
of things
even if the natural order
doesn't mean anything
to me
as I listen
to someone try to explain
the unexplained.

Words fall from his mouth
like the tears from my eyes
and I cannot, cannot keep
from crying.