Welcome Back To Your Life

I see your face

as you walk my way

and I can't help

but smile

because your face

isn't like any other

and today

isn't like any other

because I am here

with you. 

It's been a while

but you've made it through,

walked on fire

and reached the other side

of a life

you didn't think 

had another side

because you couldn't see

anything you wanted

beyond what you wanted

right now. 

But I knew better - 

I've been there too - 

and here we are

on the same side

staring eye to eye

at everything new

and our wasted youth

we've left behind. 

I knew you were better

and now you do too. 

Do you see it - 

the silver lining

and crystalline horizon

waiting for you?

We embrace the moment

and each other

for just one breath

and then you're gone - 

off to wander

the world

with new eyes

and a smile

I haven't seen 

since you were a child

of eight or nine, 

before the hurricane

of your life

washed you out to sea. 

How good it feels

to know

you are no longer

aimlessly wandering,

but moving about the world

engaged

and ready to learn.

A Woman Unchained

I am a woman
unchained,
ably capable
of breaking away
from the lines
you've drawn around me
that never fit
to begin with
because
she doesn't exist.

She is a fantasy
I will never be
and don't want to
because she is
a shadow
stick figure
with no words
or heart,
just scars
from where
she's cut,
trying to
escape
the mold
you shoved
her in
without even asking
if that was who she
wanted to be.

I am a woman
unchained
thanks to ever woman
who broke the mold
before me
and refused to submit
to your version
of what a woman
should
look like
say
dress like
be.

I proudly move
through this life
free to be who
I am
and not who
you think
I am.

I am a woman
unchained.

Another Birthday Without You

As the sun sinks below

the skyline

and day gives way to night,

I light a candle

to honor you.

Today, 

you would have been 

another year older

if you had lived past

sixty-two,

but Cancer had other ideas. 

I did too. 

I had career changes

and wedding plans, 

the pursuit of happiness

and second chances - 

everything in a life

you can imagine

that needed you

and your opinions.

Now

I just have this candle

and it will burn to the ground

or until the wick burns out. 

No wishes will be made tonight. 

No cake will be served. 

No party hats will be adorned. 

No gifts will be exchanged. 

It's just me and a candle

and an unused wish

sitting on the balcony

as the scars of your loss

bust my heart and the dark

wide open for no one to see.

10,825 Days

When you sit down

and count out

how many days

we had together, 

it seems like a full

and robust number.

But it's not. 

It is a life cut short,

bucket lists

forever interrupted,

a broken chain

of events

never to be connected

again. 

10,825 days is not much

when someone you love

is the one

who didn't make it

to 10,826. 

Time to Climb

I can see Mt. Baker

from my window

as it rises towards the sky

like a white pyramid

of rock, snow and ice; 

and it is like all 

of the things

I want to do

in my life - 

beautiful

distant

too much all at once.

From here,

the climb

seems possible,

but up close,

it's too high 

in the clouds

and I cannot

breathe 

thinking about

each step

it would take

to reach the top.

And what if

when I get all

the way to the tip

and there's nothing

to see? 

It is all the CAN'Ts

and WHAT IFs

I've said to myself,

all the dreams denied,

because I just couldn't see

if what was on the other side

was worth my time. 

But time is short-lived

and the world

won't turn forever.

It's time to throw

on my snow boots

and grab my gear,

and stop speaking

in the riddles of "if"

and let the hope in.

Who knows

what comes next,

but standing still

isn't working

and even one step

forward is still

movement.

Mt. Baker

is my mountain

and it's time 

to see

what's on the 

other side.

Even if there's

nothing there,

just reaching

the summit

is enough.

Land On Me

I am like a tree
with roots buried deep,
and problems that grow
deeper than my roots
can reach.

And the root of every problem
comes back to being brokenhearted
every time you don't say
the words I want you to.

You're like a bird
who landed on me,
and in one fail swoop
I was underneath
your feet
ready for you to walk
all over me.

You can fly away
any time
without a word
or wave goodbye.
But I'm stuck in the earth
with no place to go
except where I am
with a perfect view
to watch you leave.

I wish I could shake you loose
every time you land
so I never have to feel
the emptiness when you leave,
but I'm stuck here
waiting on you
and hoping
the next time you land,
it'll be to stay.

Gone

I read the lines

and could hear your voice

telling me

everything I didn't want

to hear. 

I'd been waiting

for so long

for you to say

something,

anything,

that I never thought

what I would do

if what you said

was that you didn't 

pick me

love me

want me

need me

the way I

always knew

you would

because the thing is

years ago

you were the one

saying something

different,

telling me

I was the one

you'd looked for

all your life - 

a title too big

for one girl

to wear

and one

you weren't 

qualified

to give. 

And so

I've just been here

sitting and waiting

on someday,

not realizing

that someday

came and went

without me

even noticing. 

It went without

a hint

it was going

or even a goodbye. 

It went without

a kiss on the cheek

or spending one

last night

pretending

it would stay. 

Maybe it was gone

before I got up

or before

I even fell asleep.

Maybe it was gone

the moment

those words

left your lips

and I was too lost

in the sentiment

to know better. 

It doesn't matter

when someday

came and went.

It only matters

that it's gone.